Terrible Mom

WARNING.. this is gonna be a sad post.. but I have a heavy heart so here goes...


We (my hubby and I) had been planning for about a month to take the kids to a crawfish boil today. I ended up working a lil later than usual, but I thought, what the heck it'll be aight, I will just freshen up, and take them anyway.. it's gonna be outside so it won't matter.

Well.. I recieved word there was PLENTY there to eat, so I decided to get a shower. While I was in there I heard my hubby, daughter, and son SCREAMING at each other. So, I decided we weren't going, if we can't get along at home.. HOW IN HELL am I gonna take them anywhere?

Tiffany stuck her head in the door and said "Big Daddy said we can still go". I proceeded to tell her, "But we not going, we staying home". She slammed the door, started crying, and told Cody that I said we weren't going. So, he stuck his head in the door and said "mom are we really not going?" I told him I was putting pj's on and that I would have to find something to cook, because I had not laid anything out, since I wasnt' planning to cook.

I am one of those moms that do not talk when I'm angry. They are my children and I refuse to talk to them when I am mad. and they know that.

Tiffany called me every name in the book. Asked me why I had to marry THAT MAN. got up and slammed her beddroom door and the door going in and out of the house at LEAST 100 times. (yes my power bill should be up this month, and no i never opened my mouth). I also do not eat when I am mad, so i had to ask them what they wanted me to do with the chicken. they said whatever.. and I let them know that I am not eating so now they say they aren't either...

My problem is this. How could I possibly want more children, if I can't have everyone in my house at the moment get along. I feel like a TERRIBLE mom.. just TERRIBLE.. because my children seem to hate my husband, and i PRAYED for YEARS for a man that God would lead to me and He did. Jamie is my heart and soul, he has changed me and my children in so many ways. I just wish that they could get along.

But this is my problem. I came to realize that they got along GREAT until I got home from work, and then the day got doomed. I had a GREAT day at work and we were supposed to go as a family to a crawfish boil, and I don't even eat the junk. I am now depressed again, thanks to the terrible day that I had after 6 o'clock tonight. I just wish I could close my eyes and it had all been a dream.

I'm to the point where I dont' care if I have any more kids or not, because He isn't gonna give them to me until everyone here gets along. (or at least I dont' know why He would).

just pass me the TERRIBLE MOM of the year award