Friday, March 12, 2010

1 year ago

I was thinking yesterday, about all that has happened to me, since this EXACT day last year. I thought I would share a recollection of thoughts or just remind everyone what has been going on with me. (they are all mostly happy thoughts) Exactly 1 year ago, I went and talked to an RE that a friend of mine used. It was on that day, that I found out that I had high blood pressure. I was told he COULD do the surgery, but the BP had to get down first. I had lost 45 pounds (I THINK) by that point. So, he said the weight wasnt' any problem. We called in mid april to schedule the surgery. The date that was up was July 8. July 8 got here rather quickly, and I had lost a total of 60 pounds the day of the surgery! The surgery went off without a hitch!!! He told us that 1 side was 100% but the other he wasnt' quite so sure about. Well.. he said if we weren't PG within 6 months.. which ironically was my daughters birthday.. to come and see him, and he would do some tests. Well.. on Sept 4, we got a BFP!! We were ELATED!! especially since I thought it would take us a long time to get PG due to our ages, I am 35 and he is 41. I miscarried on Sept 25, 3 weeks after we found out we were PG. My world came crashing down. I became depressed, gained about 25 pounds, all the stuff that depression causes. I cried a LOT, got mad very easily. But, the 1 thing that I do know is... WE CAN GET PREGNANT... it has already happened!!

Onto good news..

I went and talked to my preacher few weeks ago. I told him that I was angry at God for letting me feel the way I was feeling, and I wanted to leave that feeling in the office at church, whenever I left!! I was OVER being depressed, and not the "funny, down to earth" Leigh that every one knew. I can honestly say that I feel SOOOOOO much better now, and my relationship with God is right where it is supposed to be. I no longer track my cycles, or keep up with anything. I circle the day on my calender when AF shows and that is it! I have became less stressed due to this. I have also decided that God will give us our baby whenver it is time for us to have one.

I look back to the last year, and I feel sooo happy to what doors God has opened for me! My family is a very eill knit group. We are very active in church, and the kids know that God answers prayers on His time, Not ours. It just took me a while to accept that, although I preached it to them.

I gave up refined sugar for Lent, and happy to announce that I have almost gotten back to where I was weight wise when I had the miscarriage. I have 9 pounds to go to be at that point! YAY for me!! I am very happy about this, as I really think I made the right decision for Lent, its hard but very well paying off for me!

Thanks to all of you for reading my blogs and leaving me emails and comments, they make my day!
Hope you have a GREAT week!