1 year ago

I was thinking yesterday, about all that has happened to me, since this EXACT day last year. I thought I would share a recollection of thoughts or just remind everyone what has been going on with me. (they are all mostly happy thoughts) Exactly 1 year ago, I went and talked to an RE that a friend of mine used. It was on that day, that I found out that I had high blood pressure. I was told he COULD do the surgery, but the BP had to get down first. I had lost 45 pounds (I THINK) by that point. So, he said the weight wasnt' any problem. We called in mid april to schedule the surgery. The date that was up was July 8. July 8 got here rather quickly, and I had lost a total of 60 pounds the day of the surgery! The surgery went off without a hitch!!! He told us that 1 side was 100% but the other he wasnt' quite so sure about. Well.. he said if we weren't PG within 6 months.. which ironically was my daughters birthday.. to come and see him, and he would do some tests. Well.. on Sept 4, we got a BFP!! We were ELATED!! especially since I thought it would take us a long time to get PG due to our ages, I am 35 and he is 41. I miscarried on Sept 25, 3 weeks after we found out we were PG. My world came crashing down. I became depressed, gained about 25 pounds, all the stuff that depression causes. I cried a LOT, got mad very easily. But, the 1 thing that I do know is... WE CAN GET PREGNANT... it has already happened!!

Onto good news..

I went and talked to my preacher few weeks ago. I told him that I was angry at God for letting me feel the way I was feeling, and I wanted to leave that feeling in the office at church, whenever I left!! I was OVER being depressed, and not the "funny, down to earth" Leigh that every one knew. I can honestly say that I feel SOOOOOO much better now, and my relationship with God is right where it is supposed to be. I no longer track my cycles, or keep up with anything. I circle the day on my calender when AF shows and that is it! I have became less stressed due to this. I have also decided that God will give us our baby whenver it is time for us to have one.

I look back to the last year, and I feel sooo happy to what doors God has opened for me! My family is a very eill knit group. We are very active in church, and the kids know that God answers prayers on His time, Not ours. It just took me a while to accept that, although I preached it to them.

I gave up refined sugar for Lent, and happy to announce that I have almost gotten back to where I was weight wise when I had the miscarriage. I have 9 pounds to go to be at that point! YAY for me!! I am very happy about this, as I really think I made the right decision for Lent, its hard but very well paying off for me!

Thanks to all of you for reading my blogs and leaving me emails and comments, they make my day!
Hope you have a GREAT week!

Leigh

talking to God

Today I went to my church, and had a LOOOONG talk with the preacher. I am tired, VERY TIRED, of being depressed. I was able to talk to him about why I'm so depressed, and I think in the back of my mind, I'm thinking that I will NEVER bear my husband a child, and when I do, I will miscarry it. I was very honest with him. I told him that I am scared to death, and that I love my husband more than words can say, and my fear is not having his baby, and then our marriage fall apart because of this. I also told him that jamie is ALWAYS telling me that, "when God is ready, we will have our own". But that is SOOO hard for me to accept, although it is ABSOULTELY right. Even Bro. Mark said that! I left there feeling very refreshed. And trying my BEST not to even think of it! Now, with that being said, I went ahead and called my OB, just to clear the other part of my mind. I asked her nurse what time frame do I need to start worrying about anything. She said if I wasn't pregnant by the 1st of next year to give them a call then they will do a HSG (make sure my tubes are clear) FANTASTIC .. now.. I should surely be able to rest every night, and KNOW that when its time I will have my hubby's baby.

Now, about lent. I grew up Baptist, so this is a WHOLE new world to me! And, extrememly hard! I gave up refined sugar, which means I can have NATURAL sugar ONLY! Hard, very very Hard. and Yes, I think, I have now showed the world that I am CRAZY!!!! I have lost 10 pounds since Ash Wed.!! I am soo happy about this! I have about 18 more to go to be where I was when I had my surgery last year to have a tubal reversal. I have not started exercising yet, I will start that on the 1st. I have not really wanted anything that I can't have, which is really good! Let me remind you what I CAN'T HAVE!! No ice cream, no sweet tea, no cokes, no cake, no cookies, you get the idea.. LOL!! But, I can have fresh fruit! which is a great thing!!I have found that was eating out of either, boredom, or depression. So, that has COME TO A STOP!! :) thank you very much!!

We have had snow on 3 different occassions since Christmas I believe! It was rather beautiful this morning. It was coming down nice and slow and it was just a beauty beyond words, especially being way down here in the south. (for the record, I am usually at work when this happens, and today I actually got to see it)

Thanks to all of you for being my support through this blog, facebook, and emails, I appreciate it sooo much!

Have a Great Week!!
Leigh

LENT

I've decided to come out of hiding! haha!!

A co-worker and I decided we were going to do Lent together, as we are both Methodists, and this will be our 1st year doing it. She is going to donate the money to haiti that she would normally spend on her lunch. (Great cause) AND I am going to cut out ALL "refined" sugar. No cakes, no sweet tea, no sodas, no hard candy, you get the point unless its sugar free. And since you know me so well, it'll have to be low calorie and low fat. Its going to be a challenge, and I'm soo up for it! I think this will kinda get me on the diet where I need to be. and I will HAVE to focus to be able to do it. I also think, I can lose a few pounds doing it. I will have to load up on LOTS of fruits and veggies, and migraine pills.

You can bet on Easter Sunday though, that I will have to have some chocolate, but curious to see how I'll hold up, since my birthday is in march. I reckon I'll have to find a recipe online to make my own cake.

In other news, my daughter has started her confirmation training. I am so excited, as my mother in law is her mentor, and I don't think she could have picked anyone better to fill those shoes! I truly hope she gets out of that class EVERYTHING that she can. And that she can grow stronger in the Lord, and know that He is always here for US.

I hope everyone is doing great! Just thought I'd check in with all of you.

Have a Great Week! OH.. and Happy Mardi Gras!!!

Leigh