Wednesday, February 24, 2010

talking to God

Today I went to my church, and had a LOOOONG talk with the preacher. I am tired, VERY TIRED, of being depressed. I was able to talk to him about why I'm so depressed, and I think in the back of my mind, I'm thinking that I will NEVER bear my husband a child, and when I do, I will miscarry it. I was very honest with him. I told him that I am scared to death, and that I love my husband more than words can say, and my fear is not having his baby, and then our marriage fall apart because of this. I also told him that jamie is ALWAYS telling me that, "when God is ready, we will have our own". But that is SOOO hard for me to accept, although it is ABSOULTELY right. Even Bro. Mark said that! I left there feeling very refreshed. And trying my BEST not to even think of it! Now, with that being said, I went ahead and called my OB, just to clear the other part of my mind. I asked her nurse what time frame do I need to start worrying about anything. She said if I wasn't pregnant by the 1st of next year to give them a call then they will do a HSG (make sure my tubes are clear) FANTASTIC .. now.. I should surely be able to rest every night, and KNOW that when its time I will have my hubby's baby.

Now, about lent. I grew up Baptist, so this is a WHOLE new world to me! And, extrememly hard! I gave up refined sugar, which means I can have NATURAL sugar ONLY! Hard, very very Hard. and Yes, I think, I have now showed the world that I am CRAZY!!!! I have lost 10 pounds since Ash Wed.!! I am soo happy about this! I have about 18 more to go to be where I was when I had my surgery last year to have a tubal reversal. I have not started exercising yet, I will start that on the 1st. I have not really wanted anything that I can't have, which is really good! Let me remind you what I CAN'T HAVE!! No ice cream, no sweet tea, no cokes, no cake, no cookies, you get the idea.. LOL!! But, I can have fresh fruit! which is a great thing!!I have found that was eating out of either, boredom, or depression. So, that has COME TO A STOP!! :) thank you very much!!

We have had snow on 3 different occassions since Christmas I believe! It was rather beautiful this morning. It was coming down nice and slow and it was just a beauty beyond words, especially being way down here in the south. (for the record, I am usually at work when this happens, and today I actually got to see it)

Thanks to all of you for being my support through this blog, facebook, and emails, I appreciate it sooo much!

Have a Great Week!!

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