the 1 thing I HATE

is SURPRISES!!!!!

I found out a few weeks ago that mine and my husbands "place" will be paid off this summer. Supposed to be a Good thing right?? WRONG!!! My hubby told his mother, that WHOEVER lived here would have to pay rent.. WTH?? I just sooo think thats wrong. I lived this when I lived with my mom and step dad, I can NEVER see making my children pay me rent to put a roof over there head!

Hubby confronted me on this today, and thankfully I didn't cry, but very much wanted to. But I told him we HAVE to find our own place, that if I'd known this before, we would have already moved out and bought a house or rented one, whichever be the case

Can ya'll please tell me that I'm right about this situation??? All i need is 1 more thing to stress about in my life :)

thanks!!
Leigh

dr appt

As most of you know, I had a tubal reversal in July of 09, yep last summer. We got PG the 1st month, yep didn't take very long. WEEELLLLLL... it's been 7 LONG months and we haven't gotten PG again, SOOO because of my age, (36), I decided that I will follow the advice of some friends and make a dr. appt. to see what is going on. I will be seeing my dr. on June 9, to find out what he can do, or what I need to do so we can have a baby.

Please continue to pray for us, it is something this family wants sooo bad. Yes, this post is MUCH BETTER than the previous one!

Thanks bunches,
Leigh

Terrible Mom

WARNING.. this is gonna be a sad post.. but I have a heavy heart so here goes...


We (my hubby and I) had been planning for about a month to take the kids to a crawfish boil today. I ended up working a lil later than usual, but I thought, what the heck it'll be aight, I will just freshen up, and take them anyway.. it's gonna be outside so it won't matter.

Well.. I recieved word there was PLENTY there to eat, so I decided to get a shower. While I was in there I heard my hubby, daughter, and son SCREAMING at each other. So, I decided we weren't going, if we can't get along at home.. HOW IN HELL am I gonna take them anywhere?

Tiffany stuck her head in the door and said "Big Daddy said we can still go". I proceeded to tell her, "But we not going, we staying home". She slammed the door, started crying, and told Cody that I said we weren't going. So, he stuck his head in the door and said "mom are we really not going?" I told him I was putting pj's on and that I would have to find something to cook, because I had not laid anything out, since I wasnt' planning to cook.

I am one of those moms that do not talk when I'm angry. They are my children and I refuse to talk to them when I am mad. and they know that.

Tiffany called me every name in the book. Asked me why I had to marry THAT MAN. got up and slammed her beddroom door and the door going in and out of the house at LEAST 100 times. (yes my power bill should be up this month, and no i never opened my mouth). I also do not eat when I am mad, so i had to ask them what they wanted me to do with the chicken. they said whatever.. and I let them know that I am not eating so now they say they aren't either...

My problem is this. How could I possibly want more children, if I can't have everyone in my house at the moment get along. I feel like a TERRIBLE mom.. just TERRIBLE.. because my children seem to hate my husband, and i PRAYED for YEARS for a man that God would lead to me and He did. Jamie is my heart and soul, he has changed me and my children in so many ways. I just wish that they could get along.

But this is my problem. I came to realize that they got along GREAT until I got home from work, and then the day got doomed. I had a GREAT day at work and we were supposed to go as a family to a crawfish boil, and I don't even eat the junk. I am now depressed again, thanks to the terrible day that I had after 6 o'clock tonight. I just wish I could close my eyes and it had all been a dream.

I'm to the point where I dont' care if I have any more kids or not, because He isn't gonna give them to me until everyone here gets along. (or at least I dont' know why He would).

just pass me the TERRIBLE MOM of the year award

1 year ago

I was thinking yesterday, about all that has happened to me, since this EXACT day last year. I thought I would share a recollection of thoughts or just remind everyone what has been going on with me. (they are all mostly happy thoughts) Exactly 1 year ago, I went and talked to an RE that a friend of mine used. It was on that day, that I found out that I had high blood pressure. I was told he COULD do the surgery, but the BP had to get down first. I had lost 45 pounds (I THINK) by that point. So, he said the weight wasnt' any problem. We called in mid april to schedule the surgery. The date that was up was July 8. July 8 got here rather quickly, and I had lost a total of 60 pounds the day of the surgery! The surgery went off without a hitch!!! He told us that 1 side was 100% but the other he wasnt' quite so sure about. Well.. he said if we weren't PG within 6 months.. which ironically was my daughters birthday.. to come and see him, and he would do some tests. Well.. on Sept 4, we got a BFP!! We were ELATED!! especially since I thought it would take us a long time to get PG due to our ages, I am 35 and he is 41. I miscarried on Sept 25, 3 weeks after we found out we were PG. My world came crashing down. I became depressed, gained about 25 pounds, all the stuff that depression causes. I cried a LOT, got mad very easily. But, the 1 thing that I do know is... WE CAN GET PREGNANT... it has already happened!!

Onto good news..

I went and talked to my preacher few weeks ago. I told him that I was angry at God for letting me feel the way I was feeling, and I wanted to leave that feeling in the office at church, whenever I left!! I was OVER being depressed, and not the "funny, down to earth" Leigh that every one knew. I can honestly say that I feel SOOOOOO much better now, and my relationship with God is right where it is supposed to be. I no longer track my cycles, or keep up with anything. I circle the day on my calender when AF shows and that is it! I have became less stressed due to this. I have also decided that God will give us our baby whenver it is time for us to have one.

I look back to the last year, and I feel sooo happy to what doors God has opened for me! My family is a very eill knit group. We are very active in church, and the kids know that God answers prayers on His time, Not ours. It just took me a while to accept that, although I preached it to them.

I gave up refined sugar for Lent, and happy to announce that I have almost gotten back to where I was weight wise when I had the miscarriage. I have 9 pounds to go to be at that point! YAY for me!! I am very happy about this, as I really think I made the right decision for Lent, its hard but very well paying off for me!

Thanks to all of you for reading my blogs and leaving me emails and comments, they make my day!
Hope you have a GREAT week!

Leigh

talking to God

Today I went to my church, and had a LOOOONG talk with the preacher. I am tired, VERY TIRED, of being depressed. I was able to talk to him about why I'm so depressed, and I think in the back of my mind, I'm thinking that I will NEVER bear my husband a child, and when I do, I will miscarry it. I was very honest with him. I told him that I am scared to death, and that I love my husband more than words can say, and my fear is not having his baby, and then our marriage fall apart because of this. I also told him that jamie is ALWAYS telling me that, "when God is ready, we will have our own". But that is SOOO hard for me to accept, although it is ABSOULTELY right. Even Bro. Mark said that! I left there feeling very refreshed. And trying my BEST not to even think of it! Now, with that being said, I went ahead and called my OB, just to clear the other part of my mind. I asked her nurse what time frame do I need to start worrying about anything. She said if I wasn't pregnant by the 1st of next year to give them a call then they will do a HSG (make sure my tubes are clear) FANTASTIC .. now.. I should surely be able to rest every night, and KNOW that when its time I will have my hubby's baby.

Now, about lent. I grew up Baptist, so this is a WHOLE new world to me! And, extrememly hard! I gave up refined sugar, which means I can have NATURAL sugar ONLY! Hard, very very Hard. and Yes, I think, I have now showed the world that I am CRAZY!!!! I have lost 10 pounds since Ash Wed.!! I am soo happy about this! I have about 18 more to go to be where I was when I had my surgery last year to have a tubal reversal. I have not started exercising yet, I will start that on the 1st. I have not really wanted anything that I can't have, which is really good! Let me remind you what I CAN'T HAVE!! No ice cream, no sweet tea, no cokes, no cake, no cookies, you get the idea.. LOL!! But, I can have fresh fruit! which is a great thing!!I have found that was eating out of either, boredom, or depression. So, that has COME TO A STOP!! :) thank you very much!!

We have had snow on 3 different occassions since Christmas I believe! It was rather beautiful this morning. It was coming down nice and slow and it was just a beauty beyond words, especially being way down here in the south. (for the record, I am usually at work when this happens, and today I actually got to see it)

Thanks to all of you for being my support through this blog, facebook, and emails, I appreciate it sooo much!

Have a Great Week!!
Leigh

LENT

I've decided to come out of hiding! haha!!

A co-worker and I decided we were going to do Lent together, as we are both Methodists, and this will be our 1st year doing it. She is going to donate the money to haiti that she would normally spend on her lunch. (Great cause) AND I am going to cut out ALL "refined" sugar. No cakes, no sweet tea, no sodas, no hard candy, you get the point unless its sugar free. And since you know me so well, it'll have to be low calorie and low fat. Its going to be a challenge, and I'm soo up for it! I think this will kinda get me on the diet where I need to be. and I will HAVE to focus to be able to do it. I also think, I can lose a few pounds doing it. I will have to load up on LOTS of fruits and veggies, and migraine pills.

You can bet on Easter Sunday though, that I will have to have some chocolate, but curious to see how I'll hold up, since my birthday is in march. I reckon I'll have to find a recipe online to make my own cake.

In other news, my daughter has started her confirmation training. I am so excited, as my mother in law is her mentor, and I don't think she could have picked anyone better to fill those shoes! I truly hope she gets out of that class EVERYTHING that she can. And that she can grow stronger in the Lord, and know that He is always here for US.

I hope everyone is doing great! Just thought I'd check in with all of you.

Have a Great Week! OH.. and Happy Mardi Gras!!!

Leigh

What are My Chances??

2 of the guys at work have found out in the last 3 days that they are going to be daddy's!! I am sooo super excited for them! Also, a girl I work with is having a boy, and I recently found out that there is a woman at my church expecting, and 3 other "friends" have recently found out they are expecting.

Can someone Please PASS ME THAT WATER!!!

:-)

I am hoping they can all "rub" onto me, and we get lucky very soon!

Also.. my son was chosen to go to the regional science fair. I think this is awesome, as I am very proud of him, since he thought and did that project COMPLETELY by himself.

Have a Great Week!
Leigh